16 Days of Activism 2020 – Day 1


This piece of writing is dedicated to Kirsty Treloar RIP, and to the inimitable @K_IngalaSmith @nia

Changing Pathways as an agency follows the critical work of Karen Ingala-Smith – the creator of Counting Dead Women & now The Femicide Census. Karen started looking at the amount of women killed by men in 2012 and noticed an alarming trend just in the first few days of 2012. Kirst Treloar, aged just 20, was the first woman to be murdered by a man in 2012. Kirsty was stalked & murdered by her ex-partner on 2nd January 2012. Kirsty had a new 4-week old baby (with the perp) and everything to live for.

Her ex-boyfriend (who won’t be named as it gives him air time, referred to as the “perpetrator” or “perp”) felt he owned her and his revenge on Kirsty not complying with his demands to get back together was to drag her out of her mum’s house and stab her 29 times in front of their baby. The perpetrator also injured Kirsty’s brother and sister who were trying to fend off the perpetrator.

There is often a pattern that emerges before a domestic homicide and that is previous domestic violence, coercive control, separation and then stalking. In this case they were the precursors to Kirsty’s death.

He had even admitted the domestic violence in text messages to her which said he wouldn’t hurt her again – unless she annoyed him. Firmly placing the responsibility for his abuse onto the victim – Kirsty. That’s not how he worded it, but that is the essence. What he eloquently said in texts to Kirsty was:

“Okay wer all gud now and my new yrs ressy is that i aint going to hit u again and i won’t hit u 4 this yr next yr the yr after that the next yr after that.” This is what every young woman dreams to hear from her partner of course……..No this is the typical controlling, narcissistic, above the law – rhetoric of a dangerous domestic abuse & ex-intimate stalker.

He then goes onto say:
… “But I wont u to swear on (their daughter’s) life u wont me off and do things to make me angry love you 4 eva.’

Not only is he freely admitting that he is violent towards Kirsty he then tells her it’s because SHE makes him angry. So here he shows – no remorse, high levels of control, narcissism and a complete disregard for her welfare & safety and that he is untouchable.

Our work in domestic abuse & stalking charities is to risk assess and safety plan with victims like Kirsty and to safeguard them and empower survivors to be able to make safe choices. All of us at Changing Pathways and at all of the regional domestic abuse & stalking charities eg Surviving_DA, @EssexSafe and national domestic abuse charities eg @womensaid want to ensure that early intervention prevents serious harm to both women & children alike. We want to eradicate Violence Against Women & Girls #EVAWG. This is usually done by working with multiple agencies.

Karen’s work has gone from strength to strength highlighting the plight of approximately 3 women a week in the UK who are murdered by men, usually their partners or ex-partners. Please follow this link to read about “If I’m Not In on Friday, I Might be Dead”.

This commemorative yet tragic report on 10 years of femicides was published today. Again thank you to @K_IngalaSmith. This highlights why we do what we do in our domestic abuse & stalking support roles

This work further highlights the stark reality of femicide. This post is to remember Kirsty Treloar #HerNameWasKirstyTreloar and to thank @K_IngalaSmith @Nia for her continued dedication to highlighting these atrocities.

#femicide @womensaid #16DaysofActivism #orangetheworld #EVAWG2020

Categories: General