Warning Signs in Relationships
Very few abusers are abusive early in the relationship. Very few abusers are abusive all the time. Abuse is experienced when one individual is unable to view a relationship with another person as a relationship of equals. To an abuser, a relationship is a hierarchy, and abuse helps them to feel they are in control. Early warning signs, or red flags, include:
> Disrespect or resentment when speaking of all their past partners; an abuser typically sees themselves as a victim of others.
> Disrespect for your boundaries; even if they ignore your boundaries to do things that may typically be considered to be ‘nice’, such as calling you or turning up when you’ve asked them not to. This shows a disrespect for your wishes, needs and opinions.
> A fast development of feelings or moving the relationship on very quickly; the abusive partner may put you on a pedestal and want to make the relationship permanent very quickly, before you’ve both got to know each other properly.
> Signs of control or possessiveness, such as wanting a say in who your friends are, what you do with your time, where you work, when you see your family.
> Jealousy when you spend time with others or anger at your past relationships. Frequent accusations that you’re having affairs.
> Blaming you for their feelings or behaviours. Even the abuse will be ‘your fault’.
> Double standards; they will find reasons why it’s ok for them to behave in a way they would criticise you for.
> They become intimidating or frightening when they’re angry.
> When you raise an objection to any of the above behaviours, they repeat them, even if they apologise for them.
If you recognise these aspects in your relationship, let us help you. Call us on 0330 333 7 444.